If you are stuck and unsure of how to move on from the loss of a loved one, read this. No. 3 was the greatest lesson for me.
At about 9:00pm, on Monday 20th September, 2021, I received a call from my dad. My cousin had just died about an hour back, so he called to let me know.
My cousin, Ruby and I were really close and that was the first time I was experiencing death so close to home.
I cried. A lot.
Someone had once asked me why people cry when they lost a loved one to death. My answer was the obvious, “they miss them for sure….”
But within that period, I wasn’t just crying because I missed her (I had missed her within the past two years that we last saw). Sure there was that obvious vacuum her physical absence has now created, but it was more than that.
There was this heart-wrenching sorrow that words could not do justice to. A tightening in my chest that crying no longer brought relief to. I felt broken in very many pieces. It was hard to breathe. Heck! It felt wrong to breathe. There was so much not-so-physical pain.
That was grief.
If you’ve felt it before, you’d understand. And if you haven’t, there, that’s an attempt to answering the question of why people cry when they lose a family member or friend because it really is pain and a lot of things combined.
If ever you find yourself in such a situation and not sure how to move on, this should help.
They are a combination of things I was forced to learn from that experience.
1. Allow yourself grieve the way you know how to.
Write about it, cry, scream, just do whatever you can to feel better because you will need it.
Crying is part of the process. It is neither weakness nor unreasonable to let out the pain you feel.
However, ensure to give yourself a break. Try to get some rest and something to eat, as much as you don’t feel like it. Your health could be greatly at stake if you don’t.
2. Allow yourself be comforted.
At that time, probably more than ever, you need family and friends around.
Talk about how you feel to whoever is ready to listen and comfort you.
It’s okay to be vulnerable and receive strength from others. However, don’t expect everyone to have your back. You sure would meet the ones insensitive to your pain and feelings.
3. Allow yourself be okay.
For me, this was the toughest part. I began to feel guilty for smiling, laughing or being okay when I should be hurting.
It’s okay to be okay. It’s okay to grieve and still allow yourself heal. You don’t have to feel guilty about healing— even if it seems to be happening so fast.
If you’re struggling with guilt, I’d recommend you read the post “How To Handle Guilt.”
Even I had to remind myself of that post.
4. Allow the Holy Spirit minister to you.
This should actually be number 1, but if I’m going to be real and true, you’re going to be at that point where you are overwhelmed by it all.
True, a part of you will want to feel better and most likely forget (so that part of you asks for His strength and peace and comfort), but there’s this other part of you that just really wants to grieve and hurt, so you (unintentionally) reject His strength.
One of the ministries of the Holy Spirit is to minister comfort and peace to you, so allow yourself receive.
His peace is more overwhelming than the pain you feel. I know because I have tasted both. Let Him do His work to completion in you.
I pray the God of all peace heals your broken heart and grants you the peace you most desperately need.
Love ñ Light ♥️
Zoey©
Zoey 