Imagine this; you saw something you wanted, you put in the necessary efforts to prepare and decided to go for it. So, you pitch the idea to the person involved who can approve─ or reject─ your offer, and yet you get an outright ‘NO!’ that always hurts.
If you’ve faced rejection before, no matter how trivial, you’d be able to relate with just how much it hurts. Immediately it happens, you may be tempted to question yourself; you may want to doubt your abilities, skills or even looks (depending on the context involved); and you may want to fall into the pity-party pit.
But have you ever asked yourself if that’s the proper way to react? Or better, have you ever wondered if there’s a way around the whole thing?
There’s no denying just how much rejection hurts; how you react to it and handle it, however, is what matters.
If you are not ready to take action after reading, I’d suggest you STOP reading right away.
For real, stop!
Still here? Well, I’m sugar glad you are.
What is Rejection?
Well, as the name clearly implies, it is a happening of being turned down (by a person or group who have the power to decide your fate at the time).
The lady who turned down your proposal, that’s rejection.
The management team who didn’t approve your request for higher pay, that’s rejection.
The school board who declined your admission, that is rejection.
Rejection comes in different ways, from different people and with different gravity or intensity. All of those─ in their differing states─ do not make it any less of what it really is.
And the truth is, sadly, many people handle rejection in different ways. Some, not at all.
I have had encounters with people who handled rejection from me by hurling insults at me, lol. In such instances, I’ve wondered where all the ‘love’ suddenly disappeared to. Haha!
Maybe that was their own way of dealing with it. Maybe their pride had been bruised, I really can’t tell. But their reaction always left me utterly surprised. That leads me right to the next thing I want to address in this post.
Why Rejection Hurts So Much
Rejection deals directly with our emotions, and of course, our minds. First, it must have taken a lot of mental energy to get yourself to propose that offer and when rejection happens, doubts creep in.
Your mind tells you that you were undeserving and that’s why you were rejected. Your mind seeks answers and that’s why it comes up with answers of its own as to why you were rejected.
(For better understanding on this point, I’d recommend you read my e-book series on the mind. The first in that collection handles this issue effectively. Watch the space, details would be released soon. Though you can get it for free when you sign up for the “You too can write” master class. Click here to know more).
Back to what I was saying…
Of course, no one likes to hear that they are not good enough to qualify for a certain thing, not even from your own self. It thus, makes your emotions so raw and hurts a whole lot.
Sometimes, when someone rejects your offer, it’s not necessarily that you are no good. There could be a lot of reasons why, but your default response might be to believe that you are no good or you’re undeserving, or the person who was picked is better. While that is seldom the truth, it is what our minds tell us and makes us believe.
But even if that’s indeed the case, if you do not have the right attitude to handle rejection, you will not have the right motivation to pick yourself up and actually improve. You would most likely see rejection as condemnation.
Let me say this, REJECTION IS NOT CONDEMNATION.
Rejection is not condemnation. The fact you were rejected doesn’t mean you have been utterly condemned and completely written off. Thanks to personal development, there is always room for growth and improvement.
So, basically, rejection hurts because your feelings/emotions got involved. It may be your pride or ego; it may be your confidence; it may be your expectations; it may be a hope you had in that thing. Whatever it is you feel, it is as a result of you attaching so much emotions to that request.
No one is saying not to have hope/faith in that thing, nor am I saying not to stay expectant, you should actually. The difference is tying all of your emotions to it.
When you make it a win or die affair, you sure will get crushed when you get a no.
Sometime last year, I decided to try out for a highly competitive writing contest. The results came in early this year and unfortunately, I didn’t make the cut. I was sad for like five minutes and I quickly moved on from that. No time to attend the pity party, I tell you.
Not like I didn’t get my hopes high; not that I focused my energy only on expecting and receiving bad news; not like getting in didn’t mean so much to me, it did and I can’t even begin to tell you how much. So what was the difference? What did I do differently and how was I able to handle it so well?
That’s what I’m about to answer in the next segment. Keep reading.
How To Handle Rejection
Do you watch Nigerian Idol? I have only watched a few episodes, especially when auditions were still ongoing and those were my favorite moments.
Besides enjoying the wonderful singing of some of the contestants, or laughing hysterically at other contestants’ performances, I was also keen on seeing how those who didn’t make it to the next round handled rejection. And really, all of those moments combined together are what makes Nigerian Idol for me.
There was this particular lady who intrigued me. Immediately she was rejected, she got on her knees and started to really cry and beg. She said she had quit her job and what’s not. Did you watch that audition? She just couldn’t accept that she had just been rejected. All hope gone— at least at the moment.
Besides the fact that she made a rather foolish decision, I can most confidently say that why she was that hurt over her rejection was because she got too emotional. I’d explain;
She let her emotions─ anticipation, high hopes, expectations─ cloud her sense of good judgement and that was why she felt that rejection like condemnation. She got too attached to winning that she didn’t entertain the thought of rejection. Do you get the drift now?
Anyway, we’re not here to review the auditions of Nigerian Idol, so back to the issue at hand. How do I handle rejection in an effective manner?
- Don’t get so Emotionally Attached
I think that has already been well established. Emotions have a way of messing with you and clouding your good and better reasoning.
Even after the rejection comes, don’t get so attached emotionally. It is not a win or die affair. More opportunities will come, but you have to be alive and still on the go to embrace it.
- Condition Your Mind
The mind doesn’t appreciate surprises much. It loves to be pre-informed, you know, in control of things. Don’t think you can pull a fast one on your mind without getting burnt.
All I’m saying is this; prepare your mind that only one of two options will prevail. It’s either a ‘YES!’ or a ‘NO!’. There are no grey areas when it comes to things like these.
Remember earlier when I established that the mind craves knowing things? It loves to have all the answers; and if it can’t find any ready answer, it comes up with answers of its own and that’s gonna hurt you way more.
To avoid this, prepare the mind that it’s either you get in or you don’t. It helps your mind stay prepared, whilst waiting for any response. The trick here is for you on your part NOT to focus on any one response. Don’t focus on a yes, and don’t be pessimistic either.
- Understand Why Rejection Hurts
We’ve pretty much established why it hurts. Now that you understand why it hurts a lot, you’d know how better to handle it.
- Don’t beat yourself up about it; it happens to everyone.
There’s this comforting feel we humans have when we know we’re not alone, especially in a trying time or difficult phase.
We love validations and love knowing that a particular thing is not peculiar to us alone. So yes, there’s nothing wrong with you. We all face rejection in one way or the other.
- Accept It
What you don’t want to do is try to ignore the hurt and put on a fake happy-go-lucky mask. Running away from or denying your feelings is not the way to go about dealing with it.
The more you attempt running away, the more the brutal truth stares you in the face. That’s a classical example of the saying, “you can run but you can’t hide.”
- Seek Out a Lesson
Everyone loves to win or have a sense of winning. If you can pick something to learn from that circumstance, you wouldn’t feel so down afterwards. There’d always be something to learn.
Rather than stay down and sulk, turn it to a win-win system.
- Don’t Stay Negative
Avoid negativity like a plague, because it is. Don’t stay negative towards the person who rejected you and also avoid negativity within yourself. No negative vibes because if you do harbor such vibes, you won’t be moving on past that rejection.
Handling rejection in a positive way is possible, and you too can do it.
It is a clear sign of a person who has given to developing self. If everyone around you have a habit of handling rejection negatively, you can be the different one and handle it better.
Did you enjoy this read? Then check back again, as often as you breathe. BUT before you leave, don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment behind.
I’m rooting for you.
Cheers to steady growth.
Sending LOVE and LIGHT your way, Zoey♥️
Zoey 