Is Total Healing Possible Despite All I’ve Been Through?

If you are like me, then you may probably have wondered if total healing from emotional wounds is possible. Especially with the fact that sometimes, those scars remain and if attempt— even slightly— to peel those wounds, they bleed afresh.

If your wounds still bleed after probing them, then it’s an obvious sign it hasn’t yet healed. However, if you can probe through a stormy, dark past without feeling any of the fears, hurt or hate associated with that season in your life, then congratulations, you have healed and moved on.

If you’re still stuck between both worlds, and wondering if it’s really possible because you’ve faced such a dark past, then read this.

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I had been eagerly waiting for this interview for quite a while. Well, in all fairness, she had been ready since January, I was the one who wasn’t. It’s always a delight talking with my Kenyan big sister, and in the many lines to come, you’d figure out why. Get yourself something chilled, get comfy and stay glued to your device. I pray your life has a positive turn around after this read.

PS: You’re absolutely going to love her, love her voice, and most importantly, get blessed. This, I assure you.

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Good evening once again, mami. I’m super, super excited to be interviewing you. Thank you for agreeing to this.

Specshoza: You are welcome. I’m also so honoured to be doing this all for God’s glory. Thank you for the opportunity.

All for God’s glory indeed. We’re both yielding😁

So, big question. Who is Specshoza?

Specshoza: Whoa!
Well, I wouldn’t want to give a long profile of who Specshoza is because I’m still under a process but I will say;
Specshoza is a lover of God and men. She is a highschool teacher by profession. The convenor of a ladies ministry known as Victorious Heels and its main purpose is to allow women manifest the promises they have in Christ. She is also an advocate for Teen issues in Africa. She deals with Highschool ministry under a cover known as KSCF….and above all, she is a prolific writer.☺️

Amazing! You forgot to add she’s a ‘Kengerian’ 😂😂
And yes, a lover of God and people indeed.

Specshoza:🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 no, a typical Kenyan, by blood and nature…

Hahah. We’ve adopted you by force😁

So, what was your conviction to begin Victorious Heels and is there a story behind it?

Specshoza: Yeah, an entire story.
Am I allowed to use voice notes in this interview?🤣🤣🤣

Yes o, you are.

Specshoza: sorry for the 5min of waiting

Amazing! Walking with God is indeed a beautiful journey❤️

I especially loved that you asked God to teach you how to do it.
❤️

Specshoza: Yeah, as if I had an option🤣🤣🤣

Sorry about your grandma though.🙂

Specshoza: It’s well love, its all for His glory.

The very first time I heard your story, I was in awe of how you could still give of yourself so selflessly. And especially how much love and devotion you have for God. It’s proof that only God can do such a thing.

Specshoza: Awwwn🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️. I’m so humbled to read this.

In your voice note, you mentioned about three areas which climaxes the ‘story of your life’— sexual abuse, growing up without parental love and poverty. Hmm, tough things to go through indeed. Could you please share on any of these aspects? It could be all three if you so desire.😁

Specshoza: Yeah sure! let me be straight to the point concerning the three…

Specy! 🥺
Your story still gets to me so so much.

I’m so sorry I’m making you go back to those memories. I really am.

Specshoza: No honey, it’s well. I overcame and I’m always happy to share them because they are a point of deliverance to many people. I get emotional because of the journey and the victory.🥺🥺

Indeed. It’s one massive testimony.
Thank God you healed. I’m so grateful and thankful you did.

Through all this, how were you able to fully encounter Christ?

Specshoza: Okay, let me answer this quickly. When I was in my third year, I wanted committing suicide. I tried it thrice. I tried throwing myself in front of a running car, it didn’t work. I overdosed myself, it work. I wrote a letter to my mom that I wanted to commit suicide. I still have the letter until today. And I also wanted to throw myself in a well but my landlady realized that.

One night in my room, I asked God, “now that I can’t die, why am I living?” And I remember I had an encounter. Like a real encounter. I was in my room and the Lord didn’t speak directly, but I felt like someone was hugging me and assuring me that He loves me. It was like a physical hug, but I was alone in the room. That encounter in particular was so special to me because that night I grasped and understood God’s love. And when I understood God’s love, I realized that sexual abuse isn’t anything to Him. Poverty isn’t something to Him. Rejection isn’t something to Him…like, I just felt like Jesus loves me so much. Oh God! It was so real to me and then I became so passionate about God. That one encounter turned my life around. And I realized that I just couldn’t die because the Lord has something for me. And that’s why I love God the way I do. I also struggled with masturbation for so long and each time I’d feel so low and dirty, but whenever I remembered that tangible encounter…it literally changed my life. I love God because I encountered Him on a personal level. And the things He brought me out of. When I felt like the world was against me; when I felt like I was not enough, He assured me that I was enough.

I can say the love of God (sobs) is the only encounter I’ve had and it has sustained me until now.

Whoaa thrice!
Whoaaa!

I love your encounter.
Lol, yes, I did wonder why/how you loved God the way you do. Which leads to my next question.

Specshoza: Okay darling.

Have you ever felt at any point in time that God was unfair or unjust to have let all of those things happened to you?

Specshoza: Yeah, I have. Like, I have (laughs). For the longest time. Even now, there are sometimes I just sit and I wonder if it was worth it, you know? Like you just go through life and then you pause a minute and be like”God, was it worth it?” Like that was so unfair because actually, I have one to meet people who God is using so greatly and their lives are so good mehn. Yes, I have reached that point.

But one thing— even when I’m at those points— I’ve learnt to say is “God is good”. I’ve learnt to appreciate my pain and thank Him through my tears because over time I have learned. Whenever I share my story with someone and got a testimony of how it changed his/her life, it made me stop living for me. If I’m to ever live for anything, let it be that I lived for someone else. But I stopped living for me. So yeah! I wouldn’t lie that I don’t reach such places, I do. But my story is for His glory. That’s all that I can say.

It is for His glory indeed
Thank you so much, ma’am.
I appreciate your time. Thank you for sharing.
Before I finally let you go, lol, just please say a little prayer for everyone who’d read this.

Specshoza: Okay, sure.

Ameeeeeen and Ameeeen🙌🏽
Thank you so much, ma’am.
I’m truly grateful.
I love you, sissy❤️

Specshoza: I love you more. Thank you too so much.

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PS: please do well to follow the links and listen to the voice recordings. I just couldn’t bring myself to transcribe those. The emotions are better heard than read. I truly hope this blesses you. Share this with as many as need it.

You are not alone.

Sending love and light your way.

Zoey.❤️