DEFINE IT, OWN IT!

Let’s continue our talk on failure, shall we?

Hello again, nice of you to drop by today. I’m excited you did.

In a previous post, Unpopular Opinion, I introduced briefly, the concept of failure.

And I established the fact that it could mean different things to different people at different times. (Wrong associations, locations, et cetera).

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At the beginning of this month, I set a goal; an outrageously high one, I’d say.

I put in some effort, kept the goal in mind so I’d stay motivated, and kept striving to achieve it.

I had a lot of pep talk—with myself, as well as from some professionals— that the first step was to set that goal, and then put in the work, and boom! That easy.

But unfortunately, that magic didn’t quite happen for me. What most of those pep talks didn’t include was a possibility of me missing the mark, me feeling inadequate, and having no zeal to keep pressing or pushing.

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Few days to the month coming to an end, I realized there was no way possible I was going to meet up.

I broke down. Real bad.

The next thing, I went solo; retreating from everything and everyone because I felt I had failed.

I felt something must definitely be wrong with me. Some other people took on similar tasks and succeeded. I just couldn’t get why mine was different. I had done all the needful as instructed and recommended.

On another flip side, I was still getting commendations from other people based on diverse other aspects.

I still had people tell me I did great in this, and amazing in that. But, I didn’t believe those words anymore. Especially not to myself.

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If you read the post tagged, Balance, you’d have a clearer picture of what I mean. How a shortcoming in one area, despite other successes, can still make you feel like a sore loser.

It’s kinda in our natural build up, but you don’t have to let such dictate how your life, and reactions to life should be.

You failed or are failing in one area, yes, it’s sad and all, but GET OVER IT.

Yeap! Get over that feeling, put or pull yourself together and begin again…and again if need be.

Because you didn’t get it this time or the past previous times doesn’t give you the go-ahead to remain down.

Here’s one of the dynamics of life, which I consider beautiful; you can define success according to your terms, and you can define failure as well.

For me, not hitting that one goal brought that feeling. For you, it can be different. In fact, I recommend it should. Let it be on your own terms, not someone else’s.

Defining some of these things on your terms takes off some unnecessary pressure and comparison.

It helps you move on quickly and rise with more zeal.

Think of it this way; if you define failure based on what everyone says or expects, and then begin to wallow in comparison with others, how do you come up with a solution peculiar to you and your situation?

“One-size-fits-all”, well not in every case.

Define success on your terms. Even when it doesn’t seem like such a big win to the world.

Also define failure on your terms. Either way, you’d still have the world tell you its not such a big deal.

When you define failure on your terms, you know EXACTLY what went wrong; rather than the general ‘pain relief’ which the world offers to everyone for everything.

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I remember one time I was so down over something. And then I decided to talk it through with a friend. The first statement I received was something like “is that all?”

Okay, ouch! The same thing which was really troubling to me, someone else saw as trivial. And in split seconds, I felt a lot of things. But I can tell you, I felt worse.

I actually felt stupid. To me it was such a big deal (and it actually was), but to that person it wasn’t.

In that instant, I let someone else define what I should attach importance to, and what I shouldn’t.

It’s the same way. The same mess. The same feeling when you let other people dictate what your success or failure should be.

Define it for yourself, and then own it. Wear it like a badge of honor, because it is. It all makes up part of your unique story.

Phew! The End.

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(Feels like a lot of do’s yeah? Lol. It really isn’t if you think about it 🤔😉).

Sending love and light your way.

Cheers to steady growth,

Zoey.